The Darkness Came
by Tuttle
Summary: Hoss is blinded after pushing Adam out of the path of a bullet. Please Read and Review.
1. Prologue

The wagon carrying the three Cartwright boys pulled into town and came to a stop in front of the Trading Post. Adam and Little Joe quickly jumped down onto the road as Hoss took his time climbing out of the back of the wagon.  
  
"I don't reckon we been here more times in one week since we were livin' in town," Hoss complained.  
  
"Well," Adam said. "We have a lot of things to get, a lot of work to do before the weather gets too cold. The winds are already starting to come down from the North. I wouldn't be surprised if in another week or two we had snow on the ground."  
  
Little Joe's eyes widened at just the sound of the word. "Golly," he said. "Ya really think so, Adam?"  
  
Adam looked down at him and smiled. "Sure, Little Joe."  
  
"Maybe even snow on Christmas?" he wondered. "I ain't never seen it snow on Christmas."  
  
"Me neither, Little Joe," Hoss recalled. "It sure would be pretty gettin' to see that and all."  
  
"Well, snow or no snow," Adam said, "we still have work to finish. We don't need anything heavy at the Post." Adam handed Little Joe some money. "You can pick up those things." Little Joe turned and began to walk inside. "And no candy, Little Joe. Pa'd be mad if you ruined your supper."  
  
Little Joe nodded almost as if he were ignoring his brother. Hoss shook his head as he turned to Adam.  
  
"How much you wanna bet he comes out with somethin'?" he asked.  
  
Adam just shook his head. He knew that odds were Little Joe would come out of the Post with a bag of candy. "Come on, Hoss," he said walking across the road to the livery.  
  
But the normal sound s of town were soon interrupted by the showering of gunfire. It seemed to come from all directions. The shooters were nowhere to be seen. But then, back at the saloon, two men just seemed to appear. One ran passed Hoss and Adam, still firing. The other stood back at the saloon doing the same.  
  
The men aimed carelessly at eachother, firing, but Hoss could sense danger as he watch the one man lift his weapon and aim in their direction. Without thinking, Hoss moved to his side, pushing Adam to the ground and then falling himself.  
  
It all ended as abruptly as it began. the two gunmen chased eachother out of town, and the citizens of Eagle Station slowly exited the buildings, relieved that the horror had ended.  
  
Adam, still afraid to move, slowly raised his head. He cautiously looked around. It was over. He was dirty and a bit scratched up from hitting the ground, but it was over.  
  
Adam turned to his brother. "It's finished, Hoss," he said. "It's safe to get up." Adam waited, but Hoss went unmoved. "Hoss?" he said pushing Hoss with all his weight, turning him onto his back. Adam's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Help!" he cried. "Somebody!"  
  
Shelby, Big Dan and Eli ran out along with others to see the trouble. As they approached Adam and Hoss in the road, they were struck with fear.  
  
"Adam," Eli said. "Where is your father?"  
  
""He's home," Adam said frantically. "He's at the ranch."  
  
"Shelby, ride to the Ponderosa and get Ben. Hurry!" Shelby ran to get her horse as Eli turned to Big Dan. "Help me get him inside." Eli and Big Dan worked to carry Hoss' limp body into the Post. Adam followed them. "No, Adam," Eli said. "Stay with Joseph."  
  
Adam stopped in his tracks as Eli and Dan continued inside. "I ain't never seen a head wound like this." Big Dan said.  
  
"Let us just hope that Ben gets here soon." 


	2. Chapter One

Shelby's horse flew at a speed that she had never reached before. Her hair whipped back as the cold wind hit her face. She could see Ben Cartwright working outside the ranch as she approached The Ponderosa.  
  
Hearing the horse in the distance, Ben looked up and out over the land.  
  
"Shelby," he said as she came to a stop in front of him. He could see the worried expression on her face. "Something's wrong," he said. "Is it the boys?"  
  
"You better come with me, Ben."  
  
Ben grabbed Shelby's arm. "Did something happen t one of my sons, Shelby?"  
  
Shelby didn't want to worry Ben. Especially when she didn't know how serious Hoss' wound was. But then again, she didn't want to get his hopes up either. If the bullet hadn't only grazed his head, and Hoss died, she wouldn't be able to live with herself.  
  
"Hoss was shot," she said. "I dunno how bad it is. Eli'n Dan'r with'm."  
  
Ben's eyes widened. His greatest fear seemed to be becoming a reality. He was at a loss for words. How could this have happened?  
  
Ben unhitched his horse from the post in front of the house and quickly climbed atop. Without even waiting for Shelby, he raced his horse towards town. He couldn't seem to get his horse to run fast enough. he blocked everything else out of his mind but his son.  
  
Hoss had been complaining about going back into town again. There was so much that needed to be done at the ranch. Why didn't Ben just put Hoss to work in the South Pasture? Now his son lay somewhere in town, shot, and he didn't know how bad it was. He could only hope that he got to town soon.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Adam paced back and forth outside the Trading Post. Little Joe sat, swinging his legs nervously as he watched his eldest brother. They wanted to run inside and go to Hoss, but at he same time, they were afraid of what might await them. They didn't know if Hoss were dead or alive.  
  
Little Joe pushed forward in his seat, allowing his feet to hit the ground. "Adam?" he asked in a soft voice. "Is Hoss gonna die?"  
  
Adam stopped in his tracks. He didn't know what to tell him. After a short pause, he said, "I don't know, Little Joe."  
  
"They've been in there a long time."  
  
"I know."  
  
Little Joe thought for a minute. "Do you think we can go in there and see him?" Little Joe waited for his brother's answer. "Adam? Can we go in?"  
  
Adam was silent. He was supposed to be able to take charge. He was supposed to be the stronger of the boys, able to keep his cool and remain rational. He should have had the answers, but he didn't.  
  
Little Joe took his brother's silence as a 'no' as Adam took a seat beside him. Little Joe didn't say a word, but slid closer to Adam and put his head up against his brother's arm. A tear ran down Joe's face as Adam put his arm around him. Little Joe soon began to sob uncontrollably.  
  
Adam needed to be strong for Little Joe. He needed to hold in his emotions, remain solid.  
  
"Adam?" Eli appeared in the doorway of the Trading Post. Adam looked up at him. "Would you like to take your little brother upstairs?"  
  
Little Joe looked up at Adam through his glazed and bloodshot eyes. "Is he OK?" Little Joe asked, shifting his attention to Eli.  
  
"Little Joe," Adam said. "Why don't you go on upstairs and sit with Hoss. I'll be up in a little while." Little Joe was afraid to move. "It's OK," Adam told him. "Go on."  
  
Little Joe slowly walked into the store. Adam stood and approached Eli. "How is he?" Adam asked.  
  
"I am not a doctor, Adam," said Eli, "but I can tell that the bullet only scratched his head."  
  
"So he's awake?"  
  
"Adam, Hoss must have hit his head when he fell. He has a bruise and...he is not awake."  
  
Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I think I'll go sit with him for a while," he said.  
  
Eli nodded and followed Adam upstairs into the room. Adam slowly walked up to his brother's bed and Eli approached Big Dan.  
  
"Perhaps one of us should go to for a doctor," Eli said.  
  
"I'll go," Big Dan said. "The doc's travelin' through Hangtown. I'll get'm here."  
  
As Big Dan left the room, Adam looked down at Little Joe, sitting on the edge of Hoss' bed. Neither boy said a word, but watched silently.  
  
"Adam!" they heard from outside the door. Adam stood and ran to the door. Ben rapidly approached.  
  
Adam?" Little Joe said excitedly as Ben entered the room. "Look."  
  
In his bed, Hoss gently stirred. Hoss?" Ben said as Hoss' eyes began to twitch.  
  
"Hoss," Adam said, "We're all here."  
  
Hoss' eyes opened and his head slowly turned to both sides. "Pa?" he said with nervousness in his voice. "Adam?..Where are you? I...I can't see you! I can't see!" 


	3. Chapter Two

Outside the room, Ben and his sons waited impatiently as the doctor examined Hoss. Ben jumped at the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.  
  
Margaret and Tess Greene quickly approached him. "We came as soon as we heard," Margaret said. "Any news?"  
  
"The doctor's in there with him now," Ben said.  
  
"Is he awake?"  
  
Ben sat back and nodded. Little Joe sat on Adam's lap, with his head up against his brother's chest. "He can't see," Ben put his hands up to his face.  
  
Tess' eyes widened. "He's blind?" she asked shocked.  
  
The bedroom door slowly swung inward and the doctor stepped out. "Mr. Cartwright," he said.  
  
"How is he?" Ben asked him.  
  
The doctor paused a moment. "Your son hit his head pretty hard in the fall."  
  
"That's why he can't see?" Adam asked. The doctor nodded.  
  
"Will he ever get his sight back?" Ben asked.  
  
"Mr. Cartwright, I'm not going to lie to you," the doctor said. "This type of vision loss, due to head trauma, is very unpredictable. Some patients lose their vision for a few hours, others a few days, maybe longer." they were all silent as the doctor spoke. "The longer your son is blind," he said. "chances are he might never get his sight back."  
  
"He could be blind for the rest of his life?" Tess asked.  
  
"All I could tell you to do for him is keep him comfortable, Don't leave him alone for too long in the beginning, and prepare him for the worst."  
  
"Can I see him?" Tess asked looking at Ben. "Mr. Cartwright?" Ben nodded.  
  
Tess walked away from the group and passed the doctor, into the room, closing the door behind her.  
  
"Who's there?" Hoss asked, sitting part up in bed. "Who is that?"  
  
Tess had a tear in her eye as she walked up to the bed. "It's me, Hoss," she spoke. "It's Tess." She attempted to keep her voice from cracking.  
  
"Is my Pa out there?" Hoss asked, staring blankly straight ahead as Tess sat at the edge of his bed.  
  
"Yeah. And Adam too, and Little Joe. The doctor's talkin' too them."  
  
Hoss paused for a moment. "I ain't never gonna see again, Tess," he said.  
  
Tess took hold of his large hand. She could see that just the feel of her skin against his caused an emotional effect in Hoss.  
  
"Don't be silly, Hoss," Tess sniffled. "The doctor says you could have your sight back in a few hours."  
  
"And he says that I might never get it back." Hoss' eyes watered. "I'm scared, Tess. How'm I supposed to live like this? How'm I gonna live on The Ponderosa and not be able to do anything?" Tess rested her head down on him and Hoss cautiously moved his hand to the back of her head in an embrace. "What if I never see my Pa or brothers again? What if I never see you again?"  
  
***************************************************************  
  
A few days passed with no improvement. Hoss' vision didn't seem to be getting any better. Time however had come to return to The Ponderosa.  
  
Ben rode with Little Joe in the front of the wagon as Hoss sat alone in the back. the silence was deafening as they rode home.  
  
Ben glanced over at Little Joe and quickly back at Hoss. "Sure is getting cold," he said, trying to strike up a conversation. Little Joe nodded and Hoss went unmoved. "Maybe it'll snow soon," he continued. Little Joe shrugged his shoulders and Hoss still sat motionless. Ben took a deep breath and continued on with the rest of the ride in silence.  
  
As the wagon pulled up to the ranch and the horses came to a stop, Ben and Little Joe dismounted. Little Joe ran inside as Ben walked to the back of the wagon.  
  
Hoss slowly attempted to climb out of the wagon. Ben stretched his hand out and gently touched his arm. Hoss jumped.  
  
"It's alright, son," Ben said. "It's just me." After a short pause, Ben continued. "Let me help you inside."  
  
"I can do it," Hoss said pulling his arm away from Ben. Hoss continued down off the wagon. He stopped from a moment and extended his arm in front of him as he took a few steps forward.  
  
Ben stood back as he watched his son taking a multitude of small cautious steps toward the house. As Hoss reached the bottom step of the front porch, he stumbled. Ben ran to his son and tried to help him up.  
  
"I can do it!" Hoss yelled pulling away from him. He sat down on the step. "Please," he cried, "Let me do it."  
  
Ben sat down beside Hoss. He lifted his hand and placed it on the boy's shoulder. Hoss dragged his shirt sleeve across his nose,  
  
"It ain't never gonna be the same, Pa," Hoss cried. "I ain't never gonna see again. I ain't never gonna be able to do anything I used to. Look at me, Pa. I can't even walk into the house."  
  
Ben was silent for a moment as he thought of what to say. "Eric," he said. " We need to take this one day at a time. You heard what the doctor said. You can still get your sight back. I know it's hard, son..."  
  
"No," Hoss interrupted. "No, you don't, Pa. You have no idea what this is like. You can see. You know what's around you. You know what's going on right in front of you. You can tell if it's night or day just by lookin' out the window. You can wake up in the morning and know your gonna see the sun."  
  
Ben sat silent. He knew that his sons words were fueled by frustration, and couldn't help but feel frustrated himself. there was always something Ben Cartwright could do when his sons were ill. Even when they were young, Ben could find a way to make their hurting stop. But not now, not with Hoss. His pain was too deep.  
  
Ben knew that the longer Hoss was blind the odds were that he would never regain his sight. He knew that Hoss knew this too.  
  
"Please just let me alone, Pa," Hoss said running his sleeve under his nose once again. "I just wanna be alone."  
  
Ben stood and paused for a moment, looking down at his son. Hoss sat silent and motionless, almost as if he were in deep thought, as Ben slipped slowly into the house. 


	4. Chapter Three

As the sun rose over the horizon, Adam sat outside the ranch, his back leaning up against the house and a cup of coffee in his hand. His head began to bob forward and his eyes shut. He caught himself once, forcing his eyes open. As his head dipped forward once again, a horse pulled up to the front of the house.  
  
"Adam," Tess said. Adam jumped, knocking his cup to the ground. "I didn't mean to scare ya."  
  
"That's alright," Adam said rubbing his eyes. "I just haven't been sleeping to well lately."  
  
"How'r you all holdin' up?" Tess dismounted her horse and approached him.  
  
"It's been over two weeks," Adam said. "It's still rough. It doesn't look good."  
  
"Has the doctor said anything?"  
  
"It's getting less and less likely that Hoss'll ever see again."  
  
"How is he?"  
  
Adam shrugged. "I don't want to say he's accepting it, he's not. It is better than in the beginning. He's starting to get around a little on his own."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"What about me?" Adam asked leaning over to pick up his cup.  
  
"You haven't had much to say about the whole thing. I just thought..."  
  
"I'm fine," he said abruptly. "Hoss is inside." Adam changed the subject. "He'll be glad you're here."  
  
Tess started inside, pausing for a quick second in the doorway to glance at Adam, who had leaned back against the house and started staring at the horizon. She continued inside and back towards the bunk room. She slowly turned to enter and was surprised to see Hoss out of bed and standing by the window.  
  
"Do you hear it, Tess?" he asked her. "Listen."  
  
Tess approached him "Hoe did you know it was..."  
  
"Shh," he interrupted. "Listen. Do you hear it?"  
  
"What do you hear, Hoss?" she asked. "I don't hear anything unusual."  
  
"Don't ya see, Tess, that's just it." He paused. "Little Joe is out by the corral. Don't ya hear'm?"  
  
Tess looked out the window, and sure enough, there was Little Joe, riding his horse by the corral. "But how did you know it was Little Joe, and not Adam, or your Pa?"  
  
"Adam wouldn't be ridin' 'round in circles like that. And Pa's in town." Hoss turned around and felt his way slowly to a chair and sat. "Pa's had a lot of stuff to do in town lately. He says it's cuza Christmas."  
  
Tess moved closer to him. "You don't think so?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," he said. "He hasn't spent time like this in town since we moved here."  
  
"Well...couldn't he just be workin' on something special? Maybe for Little Joe?"  
  
"I guess." Hoss paused. "I just keep thinking that all of this has something to do with me."  
  
"He's just upset and confused, Hoss."  
  
"How do you think I feel?" Hoss raised his voice quickly, but then became silent. " It's just... I was right when I said it wouldn't be the same. We all know it's over, me seein and all. It's just hard to accept, it's really hard."  
  
Tess walked behind Hoss and put her arms around him. "It'll get better," she said. "I promise, Hoss. It'll get better."  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Ben Cartwright's horse pulled up infront of the saloon. he just sat there for a moment, thinking of what he wanted to do before dismounting his horse and slowly walking inside. Ben didn't make a habit of going in there, but today he felt as if he needed to.  
  
Taking a seat at the bar, Ben rested his head in his hands.  
  
"What can I get for ya, Ben?" Shelby asked. "Food'r drink?"  
  
Ben was silent for a moment. "Just coffee, please, Shelby."  
  
Ben rubbed his eyes as Shelby turned and got him a cup. "What's wrong, Ben?" she asked. "You're lookin' pretty down in the dumps."  
  
"I have a lot on my mind."  
  
Shelby stood back. "Hoss?" she asked him. Ben didn't answer. "You know," she said. "I ain't much for talkin' 'bout this kinda stuff, but if ya need it, I'll always listen."  
  
Ben took a sip from his cup. As Shelby began to turn from him, he spoke. "He's...not getting better. Probably never will." Shelby approached him once again. Ben continued. "I know that there must be something I can do for him, but the harder I search... the more I come up with nothing. It's the worst feeling as a father, seeing your sons in pain, and knowing that there's nothing you can do...If I could lift all this from him and place it on myself I would."  
  
"Look, Ben," Shelby said. "I ain't never been anybody's Ma. Heck, I don't think I'm ever gonna have the chance. But if I do, I wish I could as good a parent as you are. I ain't never seen anything that you Cartwrights couldn't get through. And I know that this ain't gonna be no different."  
  
Ben put his elbows on the bar and was quiet for a moment. "Thank you, Shelby." 


	5. Chapter Four

Little Joe walked out of the bunkroom and grabbed an apple from the table as he headed for the front door. He came to an abrupt stop at the sight of Hoss sitting outside.  
  
"Hey, Hoss?" he said. "Can I ask ya somethin'?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Little Joe sat down beside him on the bench. "What's it like?" he asked. "Bein' blind?"  
  
Hoss didn't answer him at first, but tries to think of the perfect way to explain it. "It's kinda like when we tried to pin the tale on that donkey for your birthday last year."  
  
"Like havin' a bandanna over your eyes?"  
  
"Kinda."  
  
"But ya still know stuff," Joe said. "Like when Tess was here, ya knew it was her. And ya know where stuff is in the house so ya don't walk into it."  
  
"Ya gotta learn that kinda stuff, Little Joe," Hoss explained. "Everythin's real different when ya can't see it. Ya gotta remember a lot more, like where things are, and what people sound like walkin' through the house."  
  
Little Joe paused for a moment. "Are you scared?"  
  
"Yeah," Hoss said. "A little Bit." Hoss and Joe said nothing for a while. There was complete silence. Little Joe didn't even want his apple anymore.  
  
"Are you gonna go to be soon?" Little Joe asked.  
  
"Not for a while, you go 'head." Little Joe slowly stood and put his apple into Hoss' hand.  
  
"It's an apple," Joe said. "I ain't hungry no more."  
  
"Thanks, Joe."  
  
Little Joe turned and walked into the house. As he shut the door, he paused, but after a few moments, began to walk towards Ben's room. He knocked softly on the closed door, waited a minute, and entered.  
  
"Pa?" Little Joe said. His father sat in bed, a book in his hand.  
  
"What's wrong, Little Joe?" Ben asked, putting his book down.  
  
"I was just thinkin'." Joe walked over to the bed and sat down by his father. "Christmas is in three days."  
  
Ben smiled. "I'm glad you reminded me, Joe, I would have forgot."  
  
"Pa, I know that I already wrote my letter, 'bout what I want this year. But... I changed my mind. Is it too late to send another letter?"  
  
Ben sat up a little straighter. "Well, what is it you want instead?"  
  
"Nothing," Joe said. "I don't want any presents this year." Ben looked at him. "I just want it to snow."  
  
"Well, Joseph," Ben said. "It looks like it just might snow for Christmas."  
  
"But that's not it. I want Hoss to see it. He said he ain't never seen it snow on Christmas and I want him to see it. That's all I want this year, Pa."  
  
Ben was speechless. "Come here," he said and Little Joe wiggled closer to him. "That's very noble of you, giving up everything for your brother. But... I don't think that's going to work, son."  
  
"Why not? Ain't Christmas a time for miracles?"  
  
"Yes, but..."  
  
"I've been prayin' real hard, every night. I even told God I'd give up all my presents if Hoss could see it snow on Christmas. God does listen to ya pray, don't he, Pa?"  
  
"Of course he does."  
  
"So! Then Hoss can still see again. I know he can." Little Joe began to cry. "Everything'll be back to the way it was. And Christmas'll be perfect just like it was before Ma..."  
  
Ben put his arms around his son. "It's alright, Little Joe," he said as the boy cried on him.  
  
"It's not fair, Pa. Why does this stuff have to happen? We didn't do anything wrong, did we?"  
  
"No, no of course not."  
  
"Then why do bad things happen if we don't deserve'em to? Why did Ma have to die? Why can't Hoss see?"  
  
"Sometimes, son, life can be bad," Ben explained. "But facing these things can only make us stronger as a family. Look at everything that we had to face coming West. We survived that." Little Joe nodded. "Now, if we could get through that, don't you think we could get through this?"  
  
"I guess," Little Joe sniffled.  
  
"I know," Ben assured him. "Life is full of challenges, Little Joe. But it's only hard to face them when you have to do it alone. You are never alone, son. We are always here facing them with you. And together we'll get through this." 


	6. Chapter Five

The wind blew fiercely, picking up the dirt outside the ranch. Little Joe chased his hat around as Ben worked fixing the posts on the corral.  
  
"You know," Ben said. "This might all go just a bit faster if you helped out a little." Little Joe still tried to get hold of his hat. "And where is your brother?" Ben continued. "He was supposed to be cleaning the barn."  
  
Little Joe finally caught up with his hat. "Who, Adam?" Joe asked. "He's...uh...he's still sleepin'."  
  
"Sleeping!?" Ben's voice raised. "Go inside and wake him up."  
  
"I tried already, Pa. I told him that the snow was comin' and that we had to finish workin' but he wouldn't move. He told me to leave'm alone and let'm sleep."  
  
"Oh, he did, did he?" Ben said. He placed the post on the ground and started towards the house.  
  
"What do ya want me to do, Pa?" Little Joe called after him.  
  
"Start working in the barn"  
  
Little Joe forced out a long, complaining, gust of air as he kicked up the dirt on his way to the barn. Ben continued into the house and to the boys' bunk room.  
  
Adam lay in his bunk, the blanket pulled practically over his head. Ben approached him, pulling it back. "Up!" Ben said before getting a good look at his son. "You look terrible."  
  
"I feel terrible, it's a package deal." Adam slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He brought his hands up and rubbed his eyes. Yawning, Adam climbed out of bed and into a pair of pants he had draped over the chair. he went for his shirt, and as he put it on and buttoned it, Ben spoke.  
  
"If you feel that bad, stay inside. Me'n Little Joe can handle the rest of the work."  
  
"No," Adam said. The dark bags could be seen under his eyes. "I got it, Pa."  
  
"At least eat something before you go out there," Ben said. "Hop Sing made flapjacks."  
  
"I'm not really very hungry. I'll get to work."  
  
Ben stood back as his oldest son walked out of the room. Adam grabbed his jacket and hat at the front door before he exited the house. He again yawned and rubbed his eyes as he approached the barn and entered.  
  
"I got a lot of it cleaned already, Adam," Little Joe said. "We'll be done in no time."  
  
"Yeah," Adam said. He shut his eyes and rubbed them again. He started towards Little Joe but had only taken a few steps when his knees gave out underneath him and he fell to the ground.  
  
"Adam!" Little Joe cried. He didn't see his brother move. "Pa!" Little Joe ran out of the barn and back towards the house. "Pa! Pa!"  
  
"Woah," Ben said, getting hold of his son's shoulders. "What happened?"  
  
"There's somethin' wrong with Adam," Joe cried. "He fell...in the barn... He just fell, like his legs were jelly. Please help him, Pa."  
  
"Stay here, Joe," Ben said, quickly grabbing an apple from the table and heading for the door.  
  
"But..."  
  
"I said stay inside." Ben ran out to the barn. He got there just in time to see Adam start to sit up and attempt to brush himself off.  
  
"I'm OK," Adam said, noticing his father walking towards him.  
  
"You don't look OK," Ben said. Adam tried to stand. "Stay down there, Adam." Ben took a seat next to him. "Take this." He handed him the apple.  
  
"Really, Pa," Adam said taking the fruit from his father's hand. "I'm fine."  
  
"You may be able to fool yourself, Adam," Ben said to him. " But you can't fool me. I've raised you since the day you were born. I think I know you a little better than that."  
  
"I'm..."  
  
"Don't argue with me, son," Ben interrupted him. "What's bothering you?" Adam didn't answer him. "Look at yourself, Adam. Look what this is doing to you. For God's sake, you scared your brother half to death."  
  
Adam's eyes began to water. He fought to hold it back, but no longer could. "Oh, God," he cried. "It's my fault. I did this to him." Ben was silent as his son finally bore his emotions. "He pushed me out of the way, Pa. Hoss took the bullet for me. He would have died for me. I should be the one who's blind."  
  
Ben was taken back. This was the first time he had heard the true account of what had happened that day.  
  
"This is not your fault, Adam," Ben said. "You didn't pull the trigger."  
  
"I might as well have." Adam struggled to catch his breath. "Why did he do that? What made him do something like that?"  
  
"You're his brother. He would do anything for you. He's always been like that, even when you boys were small."  
  
Adam paused. "I should have been paying attention," he said. "It was my responsibility to..."  
  
"Is that what this is about, Adam," Ben interrupted. "Responsibility? You can't lay all that on your shoulders."  
  
Adam wiped his eyes. "I shouldn't be carrying on like this. I should be the one Hoss and Little Joe can come to when something's wrong."  
  
"Even the biggest of men need to show their emotions at times. That's what makes us human. Look at what holding this all in has done to you." Ben paused. "Adam. Don't feel that you need to be stronger than anyone else. By hiding your feelings, by keeping them bottled up, you only grow weaker."  
  
"I only wish I could have seen the weapon before it was fired. Then maybe Hoss wouldn't be blind."  
  
"You need to look at this the other way too. What if neither of you had seen it? You might both be dead."  
  
Adam was silent. He tried to compose himself, but couldn't. Adam threw his arms around his father and was finally able to let go of all the pain he had been hiding from him. 


	7. Chapter Six

Little Joe tossed and turned in bed. He had to be careful not to fall. Since the accident, Little Joe had changed bunks with Hoss, making it easier for his brother to get around during the night. Little Joe glanced down throught the partial darkness at his older brother.  
  
Hoss seemed to be sleeping so peacefully. He wasn't even snoring, which was a relief for a change. There were only a few more hours until Little Joe would start waking everyone up for Christmas.  
  
As he leaned back against his pillow, Little Joe could just feel the chill in the air. He knew that there had to be snow on the ground. However, he could not bring himself to look out the window. He wanted the surprise to be even more exciting in a few hours.  
  
Beneath him, he felt Adam stir. Little Joe peered over the side. "Adam, you up?" he asked.  
  
"No," Adam answered. Little Joe cautiously climbed down out of the top bunk and into his brother's. "What is it, Little Joe?" Adam asked.  
  
"Can I ask ya somethin'?"  
  
Adam slowly sat up a bit in bed and rubbed his eyes. "It's only three in the morning," he said sarcastically. "Why not?"  
  
"Are you sick?"  
  
"No. What makes you think I am?"  
  
"I dunno," Little Joe said. "I know ya don't like flapjacks all that much, but ya haven't ate breakfast with us in a while. And ya don't sleep too good. When I'm sick, I don't sleep too good either." Adam listened intently to his baby brother. "And then you fell in the barn.and ya didn't get up. I was scared."  
  
"Oh, Joe," Adam said. "I didn't mean to scare you." He paused. "I guess I was sick for a while. But I'm gonna be OK now."  
  
Little Joe put his hand up to Adam's forehead, his fingers spread and practically poking Adam in the eyes. Adam raised his eyebrows as Joe pulled his hand away.  
  
"I didn't wanna check the way Ma useta," Little Joe said. "I think that only ladies can kiss ya on the head. Pa don't check like that."  
  
"You know what, Little Joe?" Adam smiled. "I think you're right." He paused. "So, what do you think, doc?"  
  
Little Joe giggled. "Ya ain't got a fever, so I guess you ain't sick nomore."  
  
"I'm not sick anymore," Adam corrected him.  
  
"That's right. Ya ain't sick nomore."  
  
Adam shook his head, and playfully mussed Joe's hair. "I still have to catch up on a lot of sleep to be 100% better," Adam said. "And I think you should get some rest too if you're gonna get up in a few hours."  
  
Little Joe slowly climbed out of his brother's bed and back up to the top bunk. He was silent for a moment, but then, "Hey, Adam?"  
  
"Mmhmm."  
  
"If you get up before me, don't look outside for snow. I want it to be a surprise, OK?"  
  
"I won't," Adam assured him. "Now, get some sleep."  
  
Little Joe snuggled down under his blankets and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before he was once again fast asleep.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.  
  
Little Joe climbed down off of the animal and approached his brother. After a short pause, he threw his arms around Adam's waist and began wailing.  
  
"It's cuza the time I got candy in town when Pa told me not to," Joe cried.  
  
"What is?" Adam asked unsure of the reason for his brother's dismay.  
  
"It's why I didn't get my Christmas present this year."  
  
"Joe, you got your present. It's inside on the tree."  
  
"No!" Joe screamed. "I didn't ask for a present for me. I asked for snow. I wanted it to snow so that when Hoss woke up he would see it."  
  
"Oh, Joe," Adam said holding his brother. "I think we all wanted that for Christmas this year."  
  
Little Joe rubbed the tears from his eyes. "Then if we all wanted it so bad, how come we didn't get it?"  
  
Adam thought for a moment. "I guess it's a little like...like when we went to the Trading Post looking for parts for a stove. We all really wanted it, but we still couldn't get it."  
  
"But ya don't need money to make it snow."  
  
"OK, I guess that wasn't such a good example. But... my point is, even though we may want something, we don't always get it. Sometimes, because we can do without it or because we're saving up for bigger and better things. And then other times, there just is no good reason why."  
  
"This is one of them times, huh?"  
  
" 'Fraid so, little brother."  
  
Little Joe' eyes were large and filled with sadness. "But what about miracles? Pa even said that Christmas is a time for miracles."  
  
"And it is. I think that we've already had a miracle. A few of them."  
  
"When?" Joe sniffled.  
  
"We're all here, we're together. We made it West, didn't we? That alone was a miracle."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"I know that you wanted Hoss to see again, Joe. We all do, and that truly would be a miracle. But just being a live is itself a miracle. Think about it, Little Joe. If Hoss had moved half an inch more, he might not even be alive. That's a miracle." Little Joe nodded. "Come on," Adam said. "I think I can smell Hop Sing cooking breakfast. And if I'm right, it's hotcakes."  
  
Little Joe managed a weak smile as Adam led him back to the house.  
  
"What are you two doing out there dressed like that?" Ben Cartwright asked as his sons entered the house. "You'll get pneumonia."  
  
"Sorry, Pa," Adam said.  
  
Little Joe went unmoved, and Adam discretely elbowed him in the arm. "Sorry, Pa," Little Joe said grabbing his arm.  
  
"Now, boys," Ben said having noticed Adam's action. "I won't have any of that. It's Christmas after all. A time of love." Ben had a strange smirk on his face as he shook his head.  
  
"Somethin' sure smells good, Pa," Little Joe said. I can't wait to try some of them..."  
  
"Pa!" Little Joe was interrupted by Hoss' sudden beckoning call from the bunk room. "Pa!"  
  
The three Cartwrights shot a quick glance at eachother and ran for the bunkroom. As they entered, they saw Hoss standing with his back towards them and his hands resting on the sill of the window.  
  
"What is it, son?" Ben asked. "Are you alright?"  
  
"It's snowin', Pa." Hoss slowly turned to face them, his eyes filled with tears. "It's the prettiest thing I ever saw."  
  
Little Joe's eyes widened and his lip began to tremble once again. He ran up to Hoss and embraced him. "I knew it would snow for ya Hoss," Little Joe cried. "I just knew ya would see it."  
  
"It's a miracle, " Ben said turning to Adam.  
  
"Well," Adam said. "You did say that Christmas is a time for miracles, Pa."  
  
Hoss ran his sleeve over his eyes as Little Joe looked up at him. "Merry Christmas, Hoss," he said.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Little Joe." Hoss looked over at the rest of his family. "Merry Christmas, Pa. Adam." He paused. "I don't reckon I coulda asked for anything else this year. All I wanted for Christmas was to be able to see you all again. This is the best Christmas gift a guy could get."  
  
Adam turned to Ben. " So...do you think that's it?" he asked his father. "You think he's finally back to his old self again?"  
  
"Mmmm," Hoss said. "Somethin' sure smells tasty. Smells like..." Hoss sniffed the air. "Hop Sing's hotcakes. Ooo, Hop Sing makes the best dang hotcakes I ever tasted. So what's everyone just standin' around collectin' dust for?" Hoss and Little Joe started out of the room. "I'm stravin', let's eat."  
  
Adam pushed back the hair on his head and glanced back at Ben. "Yeah," Adam said. "He sure is back to his old self."  
  
"You better get going, or there won't be anything left by the time you get to the table," Ben said.  
  
"Aren't you coming, Pa?" Adam asked.  
  
"I'll be along in a minute. Go on." Adam turned and left the bunk room as Ben walked over to the window. He glanced outside at the snow, which had already begun to coat the land. It was a wonderful and miraculous sight, and Ben couldn't help but feel a tear start to form in his eye. He quickly wiped it away and breathed in a sigh of relief, and then paused a moment, closing his eyes.  
  
"Pa!" Little Joe called. "Hoss just ate my hotcake!"  
  
"Did not," Hoss said.  
  
"It was on my plate, Hoss!"  
  
"Well...You weren't gonna eat it anyway."  
  
"Was too."  
  
Ben shook his head. "Boys!" he called out to them. "Back to normal," he said to himself as he walked out of the bunkroom and shut the door behind him. 


End file.
